Mitoy has always wanted to be a hero.
Ever since that first time he saved the day – when Ms. Pantilelong, his 3rd grade History teacher hastily exited the ladies’ room to rush to a class, with her skirt tucked into her apple green, high-waisted panties. Mitoy, who had a huge crush on Ms. Pantilelong, ran to cover his teacher’s behind with his Math book and pulled down the hem of her skirt. Ms. Pantilelong, who imagined how the class would have guffawed to hysterics at the view of her behind as she wrote “Magellan was killed by Lapu-lapu” on the blackboard was so grateful, she thanked Mitoy with the sweetest kiss on the cheek. Mitoy felt for the first time how it was to be a hero. And he was hooked on the feeling.
He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to save people. He wanted to change the world. He wanted to wear a bright fuschia cape and very, very tight leotards. He wanted people to look and point at him and say, “Look, it’s something, something man!” But more than wanting to be a hero, he also wanted to have superhero powers. Any power. Basta power!
For many years, Mitoy dreamed the dream of finally having super powers. But many years passed, and he remained superpowerless.
He grew up. He matured. He became an adult and had to abandon his dreams of becoming a caped crusader. He worked hard and became the Purchasing Manager of a small to medium enterprise. He was good at his job, because he was an Ilocano at heart, skilled and ruthless in the fine art of haggling. He can bargain with a supplier to get the lowest possible amount.
One day, Mitoy was walking along Recto when he saw a little shop he’s never seen before. The shop had no windows and no door, just a little sign that says, “Superpowers R Us.” Flashbacks of his superhero dreams appeared like a cheesy MTV montage in his mind. He tried to enter the store but since there were no windows and no door, he couldn’t. And then he saw a pre-teen boy with glasses and a lightning bold scar on his forehead just walk through the wall. After a few minutes, the boy emerged with a shiny chartreuse box.
“Linsyak, parang sa Harry Potter to ah!” shrieked Mitoy. So he walked through the wall and he found himself inside a dimly lit shop that smelled like what kryptonite might smell. A little person welcomed Mitoy into the shop, “Mamsir, how can I help you?”
Mitoy’s heart was beating hard against his chest. Finally, he can purchase his dream of having a superpower. “Uhm, pagbilan ng superpower,” Mitoy said excitedly in a voice that sounded more like a gasp. The little person clicked his fingers and out came a catalog with the title Superpowers, Fall-Winter 2008. Superpowers galore – telekinesis, invisibility, flying, running faster than a speeding bullet, moving faster than a locomotive, leaping over tall buildings in a single bound. Mitoy was overwhelmed.
“Flying! Flying! I want to fly,” squeaked Mitoy. The little man grinned and offered Mitoy the Flying Superpower Special for only P3,299.99. Plus wait, there’s more. He also gets a flashy superhero belt, a recipe book for superheroes, and a special hypnotic gadget all for free if you buy now. Mitoy, who cannot buy anything full-priced, haggled and haggled with the little man,who was sorely irritated by his stingy customer. Finally, after 2.5 hours, Mitoy emerged from the other side of the wall holding a plastic sando bag with his purchase.
He couldn’t contain his excitement. Finally, he could fly. Finally, he had a superpower! Finally, he can be a superhero. He could see himself in his fuschia cape. He was so excited, he even paid full price to the jeepney driver, who did not allow him to make sabit when the jeepney was not even full.
He made his way to the bukid near his place to try out his new superpower. The little man in the little store said, he had to rub a little bit of the flying powder on his feet, raise his right fist and say, “Up, up na, away pa!” and then he would start flying. He followed the instructions, and then he started to feel his feet levitating. Mitoy felt his body change position and soon he was flying! He was flying! And beneath him, he could see, uhm, whatthe… uhm, grass. And soil. And a line of ants. He was flying, but soon he was being attacked by talahib. He was flying, but he was flying only a meter above the ground. He tried to go higher. To no avail. And he realized that his special offer flying superpower offered at the special price of P499.99 was discounted for a reason. He was flying, and the neighborhood crazy dog, Hotdog, was running alongside him.
Will Mitoy have a career as a superhero? Will he have to resign from his Purchasing Manager job? Will he find a fuschia cape at half-price? Can he find a helmet strong enough to protect him when he bumps tree trunks, carabao legs, and anthills slash bahay ng nuno sa punso? Can he get his money back from Superpowers R’ Us? Abangan ang sunod na kabanata. Or better, yet continue the story� “the adventures and misadventures of Meter Man!
